One of the biggest mysteries of the universe is the question of whether or not there is an almighty, all-knowing entity responsible for its creation. And the second-biggest mystery is whether or not that said supreme being happens to look exactly like George Burns.
While The Daily Show team appears to have their hands full these days tackling the political hellscape we’re all currently living in, part-time host Jon Stewart recently took some time to address more theological matters during a post-taping audience Q&A.
In a clip that was recently shared on YouTube, an audience member asked Stewart if faith has “played a role” in his life. “No!” Stewart barked before the question was even finished. “Okay what else?” he then jokingly asked.
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Stewart proceeded to answer the question, pointing out that while his good friend Stephen Colbert is a devoted Catholic, he’s far from religious. “I’ve never been a belief guy,” Stewart explained. “I’ve always been this guy: ‘But if he’s all powerful, why would children die?’ I’m that guy. It’s very fucking annoying.”
“I’m not against religion,” he added. “Religion has given the world a tremendous amount of comfort in a world torn apart by religion, mostly.”
Stewart clarified that he can’t get past the “specificity” of organized religion, because instead of just focusing on a “spirit in the universe” it’s “more like ‘And he was 33 years old and a carpenter,’ and I’m like, ‘Alright.’”
As for the suggestion that God is infallible, Stewart proposed that the biggest evidence to the contrary is certain a dangly bit of wrinkly anatomy.
“‘God doesn’t make mistakes,’ and I’m like, ‘Have you seen a scrotum?’” Stewart told the crowd. “Like there’s no way that that is – like, I understand the eyeball. Like, the eyeball, you think like, ‘Oh shit, that’s amazing.’ But the scrotum…”
Stewart wasn’t done. He went on to improvise a scene depicting the creation of the scrotum featuring God and his assistant:
God: “Here’s what we’re going to do: We’re going to take all the nerve endings and we’re going to tie them up in, like, a ball.”
Assistant: “That doesn’t sound very smart but okay, what are we going to do with the ball?”
God: “We’re going to put it in a pouch.”
Assistant: “Oh, like a nice pouch? Like you do with Chivas? Like the nice velvet pouch?”
God: “No, not a nice pouch, like a pouch with, like, hair and weird shit on it.”
Assistant: “And then you’re like, well alright, then we’re going to put it in like a sternum, like to protect it?”
God: “No, here’s what we’re going to do: we’re just going to fucking hang it. We’re just going to hang it so that any asshole can walk by and go (POP).”
“So that’s… you know what I’m saying,” Stewart concluded, thankfully without making some kind of “Old Testiclement” joke.
